Bleeding On The Inside
by Angelique.Is.Dreaming
Summary: Pony can't deal with the death of his best friend, Johnny. Plus Dally, all at once. Like they say, physical pain is better than emotional pain. Most of the time. But, everything goes downhill in Pony's life, and he just can't handle it. ANGST, PAIN, DEATH


**Bleeding on the Inside.**

The blood streamed down the side of the sink, a violent hue of crimson. It didn't hurt so bad, like it did when he had started the whole thing. The physical pain was better than the emotional kind. He tried not to make any noise, his brothers were only a few doors down, in the living hot tears ran down his cheeks, but there was a smile of satisfaction on the teenage boys lips.

The blade broke skin, again. Oh boy, did it feel good. He tried not to look at the hilt of the blade, it reminded him of his best friend, Johnny Cade was dead, and there was nothing more to it.

Ponyboy let out a regretful "ahh, mhm, ow, shit.." It was all his fault, and he knew it.

Why deny it? If he hadn't come home late, they would both be still alive. Dally and Johnny would probably be in his house, right now. If he hadn't ran out when Darry hit him, they would be laughing in front of the TV, or out getting a would be picking up some broads he had met, only a few minutes ago.

Johnny would be sitting there, his big black eyes careful where they looked. Admiring Dally's "southern gentleman" attitude. If he hadn't run away like a scared child, if he hadn't talked to Cherry that night, if he had stopped smoking, if the church hadn't lit fire because of him..._if, if, if..._

The truth? Ponyboy Curtis wished he was dead, instead of Johnny and Dally. In fact, he wished he was dead, in heaven with the fearful hero and the bad-ass. The suicidal thoughts were the worst, he imagined it so many different made another slash in his arm, he was always scared to slit his wrists. No matter how much he wanted to be dead, he couldn't gain the courage to go through with it.

School didn't interest him anymore. Darry yelled at him more than ever. Soda tried to be sympathetic and cheerful, but even he couldn't cheer Pony up. His brothers hadn't noticed that he had been cutting himself ever since everything happened. He knew they would be mad. And they would blame themselves for not being there for Ponyboy in his time of need.

They had no need to feel sorry, or take the blame. It was all his fault, Pony felt it in his heart. Even if it wasn't true. He had to believe it like that, who else was there to blame? Nobody, that's who. Pony's eyes were blurred by more tears, and the smile was gone from his lips. He tuned the sink on and washed the blood off the switchblade, and wiped the sink down. He pulled his sweatshirt on to hid the new cuts and the old scars.

He wiped the tears off his cheeks, and splashed water on his face, to cool down. He quietly opened the door, and walked out.

"Breakfast!" Ponyboy heard Darry call from the kitchen.

He didn't have much of an appetite anymore. But to amuse his brothers, he went and got a plate. Chocolate cake didn't taste good anymore, it was thick and dry in his mouth, and he needed water to drink with it. He remembered when he was younger, and he could eat a big piece in three bites, and not need anything to drink afterwards.

Sodapop put his arm around his baby brother's shoulder, "Ya doin okay, Pone?" He asked.

Ponyboy shrugged his arm away. "Fine." Was all he replied. After he ate, he went on his way to school. All of his grades had dropped, and he had no interest in any of the subjects anymore. Boy, Darry had gotten real mad at him about that. Eventually, Pony didn't feel like fighting anymore, so he jut stared at his brother blankly, when he shouted at him for doing something wrong.

And lately, he hadn't done anything right. He quit the track team, and in P.E., his running had dropped to even below average. He just walked all the time. The one thing that was impossible to get a bad grade in, Pony had done it.

His teachers gave him extra credit opportunities, but he never took them. He had given up on the world, and life. That was all there is to it.

When he got home, Sodapop announced that there was going to be a rumble later that night, Socs were still heated about Bobs death, apparently.

"I don't think you should go, Pone." Darry said.

"Why not, I want to!" Ponyboy said.

"You haven't been yourself lately, you shouldn't be fighting."

"But I want to."

"Aw, c'mon Darry. Pony hasn't been excited about anything in a real long time, just let him do it. It's a fist fight, he won't get hurt." Soda said.

"Fine." Darry said, unsure of his answer.

Later that night, all of the greasers and socs met up for the rumble. It was raining, but that only made things more fun. Darry started the match, as usual. And then everybody ran toward each other. Ponyboy had taken down a few of the smaller ones. Those were easy. His arms still sort of stung from the cutting earlier that day.

Suddenly, a bigger soc ran toward him. Pony tried to run, but it was no use. The Soc caught him by the arm.

"Ow, fuck!" He cried out, when his cuts were gripped. Pony recognized the soc. He had been one of the boys who tried to drown him on that fateful night.

He called for his brothers, and they ran to him. But before they reached Ponyboy, there was blood on the grass. The blade hilt stuck out of Ponyboy just below his ribs. He coughed, and blood spurted from between his lips.

"That was for Bob." The soc said, and then he was knocked down by Darry, and he began to pound on the soc.

Pony was in Soda's arms, the rain hitting his face. His mind filled with a red haze, and his eyes slowly closed.

"Pone, its gonna be okay, PONE, don't die on us, PONYBOY!" Soda's voice screamed, as he held his brother tightly to his body.

"S'ok, it's better like this..." Ponyboy choked out. He felt Soda's warm tears fall down on his face.

And just before his heart stopped, he saw Johnny and Dally, beckoning to him, from the light...

---

Waaah! DDDD; I can't believe I wrote it. I AM SO SAD. I'm sorry if this wasn't the best, I couldn't help myself. I had to do it. I love Ponyboy and I'm happy he didn't really die in the book. I just wanted to write something where he dealt with the pain of losing two friends, when he had lost both of his parents only a few years before. Review, please ):


End file.
